Don't Do This

I answer the phone at work. "Human Resources, Susan Rudolph."

"Hello, Ms. Rudolph, how are you?"

"[What?] I'm fine, thank you. [miniscule but censorious pause] Who is this, please?"

"Oh! I'm ... well, my name is ..."

So goes yet another encounter wherein I chew somebody's nose off for making a faux pas. Since it says right there in my "About" that I'm trying to stop doing this, let's move along to the nature of the faux pas.

When you make a business call, or any call to somebody you don't know, you're in the position of asking a favor. In the tiny social contract that the other person agrees to by answering the phone, you're the bottom.

So you're obliged to get to the point. You want to start things off with a pleasantry? Give me your name, say whom you're affiliated with, and describe concisely what you want. That's what I call pleasant.

But throw me off guard by deviating from accepted telephone etiquette, and I hate you already. Though later I will forgive you.

p.s. No, seriously. After I spit out the chewed nose, I feel bad, and I'm super nice and helpful for the rest of the conversation.